Blood & Mud

RBS 6 Nations Preview: France

Look at him! How could anyone not select him?

"Ding Dong the witch is dead! The insane witch is dead!"  So sang the munchkins of France when Marc Lievremont shuffled out of the door, probably muttering something about no-one understanding the nature of his special genius.  

In his stead the FFR have gone for the Anti-Lievremont - the sensible Phillipe Saint-Andre.  However, for all his challenging team selections, Mad Marc managed to climb out of his bag of monkeys long enough to win a Grand Slam and reach a World Cup Final , which despite a team on the verge of Bountyesque mutiny, and a biased ref,  lost it by only a single point.

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RBS 6 Nations Preview: Ireland

"Mr Meehan wants the money today, otherwise I'll have to hurt ye"

When you look at it, Ireland have arguably the best first fifteen in Europe.  Their scrum, for so long a greater source of amusement than Andy Powell, has sorted itself out; notwithstanding the question marks over O'Brien as a genuine seven, the back-row is a match for anyone; they have a choice of half-backs who are all either decent or excellent, even Ronan O'Gara; and the backline has finishers, hitters and runners even without the injured BOD.  

Added to this, their domestic teams are carving a mighty harp-shaped swathe throught the Heineken Cup with three of them in the quarter-finals, compared to one team each from England and Wales. So far so optimistic for the championship, eh?

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RBS 6 Nations Preview: Wales

What a difference twelve months makes.  The Autumn Internationals of 2010 and the 2011 Six Nations were leading many to wonder what had gone wrong with Wales and also to quietly raise questions about Warren Gatland’s leadership.  Then two things happened; Sam Warburton was given his head at openside and Rhys Priestland was slotted in at 10.  The rest, as they say, is World Cup apple cart upsetting history, and the team in red now find themselves in the strange position of everyone expecting them to tonk everyone in Europe. 

It was never going to be that simple, and the perennial pre-tournament Wales Injury Issues™ have rendered this even more unlikely.  Wales have so far lost or very much look like losing – deep breath -  Gethin Jenkins, Priestland, the quietly impressive Dan Lydiate (insert obligatory reference to Richard Hill), The Lock Formerly Known as Luke Charteris, Alun-Wyn Jones, and Jamie Roberts.  Add this to the loss of a certain little left winger to retirement and it adds up to not so much a void in personnel as a black hole.

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RBS 6 Nations Preview: Italy

Nick Mallett's gone, Jacques Brunel is in, yet depsite this change Italy's problems are all too familiar.  A very good front five, the best No 8 in the world, and some passable outside backs rendered utterly pointless by a half back pairing as useful a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with no ears.

Last year saw the historic defeat France at the Stadio Flaminio and home ties to the transitional England and never reliable Scotland this time out could see them spring another win, but the wooden spoon beckons as per.

Prediction: 6th

Best Named Player: Giovanbattista Venditti - Where do you begin with that one?  Other than changing your name to it immediately, obviously.

We All Want A Look At: Luciano Orquera (pictured), to see if he can be as bad as last year.  Surely it's not possible?  And Sergio Parrisse, simply because he's lovely to look at.

 

RBS 6 Nations Preview: England

Hodgson no doubt missing the sticks as per, hopes are high that giving kicking duties to Owen Farrell will sort the Sarries man's head and SHITness out.

After a World Cup so bad that most fans wish they could unsee it, it's all change for England prior to the start of this Six Nations.  A new coaching team, a squad full of fresh faces, a new training base in the north for spurious north=tougher reasons, and a new approach.  

Head coach Stuart Lancaster has been in the media talking about getting the structures and performances right and then "the points will take care of themselves" which is music to this blog's ears.  However, a loss to Scotland and anything other than a win in Rome may soon have him rethinking that if the press, fans and RFU upper echelon start to twitch and bitch.  Hopefully this either won't be a problem, or if it does happen he'll have the backbone to ride it out. Here's hoping.

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Stuart Lancaster pretty much ruins his decent start as England coach.

New ideas are generally good things.  

Without new ideas we'd still believe that the world was flat, storks deliver babies, Shane Williams is a third choice squad scrum-half, and Iain Balshaw was any good.   Indeed, it was a new and decent RFU idea that brought England's new coaching team into their posts bringing fresh selections to the national team.  So far, so new, so good.

But, an obsession with new can sometimes lead to doing very silly things; the Sinclair C5 and Barrie-Jon Mather for example.  

Stuart Lancaster seems to have fallen into the latter trap by inviting Gary Neville and some other random  sports stars to expound about the honour of playing for England and the behaviour that should go with it.  In his heady excitement it seems the new Head Coach has belted so fast into THE NEW that he has shot straight out the other side and tripped accidentally into the adjoining "What the fuck is this all about then?" room.

Leaving aside the wounded soldier Simon Brown, who everyone should be listening to frankly, here are the others Lancaster believes his players need pointers from for some reason.

Gary Neville - It's hard to think of a more divisive person than the former Man U defender, he is like Marmite if Marmite was a little bloke with a ratty beard and too much to say. Plus, any Liverpool fans in the squad are likely to smack him rather than listen to him.  Lancaster is also treading a very dodgy line in believing that rugby players want to be lectured on anything by anyone associated with association football.

Hugh Morris - Opening bat who played 3 tests for England in the dark days of the 1990s, averaging a not exactly earth shattering 19.16, and captained perennial dross county Glamorgan to the Sunday League title in 1993.  Retired in 1997 to a life of administration at the ECB.  Oh, and he's Welsh!

Jamie Peacock - Great RL player for Bradford Bulls and Leeds Rhinos, and a thouroughly decent and frighteningly hard man.  Has spent his international career losing crunch games in major tournaments to Australia and New Zealand.

Kevin Sinfield - As above, except for the Bradford Bulls and frighteningly hard bit.

No, I don't get it either.

 

Nigel Owens' beautiful bollocking now available on clothing!

Nigel Owens's already legendary scolding of Treviso's Saffer scrum-half, Tobias Botes, (above) was not featured on B&M at the time, but it was pedalled excitedly on the blog's Twitter and Facebook accounts. 

While no excuse is needed for enjoying it again, we have one today as Ruckin' Shirts UK have released a range of "This Is Not Soccer" tees and hoodies for our purchasing pleasure.

 And I thought he would never better his "Get everyone in 'ere" 30-man telling of 2010.

B&M TV present the unmissable new series, 'The Sweeney & Parks'

B&M TV is proud to announce a major new police drama, rebooting the classic cop show The Sweeney.  

The Sweeney & Parks will swap 1970's London for the mean streets of Cardiff in 2012.  Detective Sergeants Ceri Sweeney & Dan Parks are on the same team, but also rivals, and they have a very different approach to crime fighting.

Here's a clip from the first episode "Rumble In Llanrumney".

Female PC Edwards enters room, Parks is standing bolt upright staring in awe at a photo of former Detective Inspector Craig Chalmers on the wall.   Sweeney is asleep on his desk.

PC Edwards: Detectives, a referral has come in, a 65-year-old male has been beaten in the Llanrumney area, initial reports suggest a group of young men in Dragons shirts!

Parks: Pass if to me Edwards, I'll see if the fourth floor will take it

PC Edwards: Why? If you don't fancy it, are you not going to give it your department to deal with?

Parks: Department? What department?  

PC Edwards (pointing): That collection of men on those desks just over there

Parks: I can use them?  Well, who knew?  I'll think about using them, but the fourth floor still looks a good option. 

Sweeney rouses and blinks at the scene in the room

Sweeney: Bollocks to the fourth floor, Parks!  Give it to me, I'm ready for it, I've had an hour's kip and that family whose garden I woke up in last night have agreed not to report anything after I promised them I would lend them PC Halfpenny as a replacement gnome.

Parks: I'm not sure I want to run with this, Ceri

Sweeney: There's a bloody surprise.  Out of interest, when did you last run with anything?

Parks: Just before they transferred me into the Cardiff station, I ran with about three cases and they thought I'd be a decent recruit.  

Sweeney: Whatever, butt, we're taking this.  My strategy is we go up to Llanrumney now, round up everyone in a Dragons shirt and..

Parks: Ask the uniforms to speak to them?

Sweeney:  No!  In your role you have to occasionally do something other than get rid of real work and stare at that hero of yours on the wall.  Sometimes you have to go with it, trust your team, and let them do something with it.  Then if they balls it up I can punch a few people and arrest random blokes and stuff to see where that gets us.

Parks: And you should maybe occasionally do something that doesn't jeopardise entire cases!

Sweeney:   Do you wanna go right now, me and you?  I'll make a saddle for my bike out of your arse cheeks you dismal bastard!

Parks: You wouldn't know how to stitch it

Sweeney: I bet you would

Parks: Actually, I would

Sweeney: Bet you'd send it to the fourth floor to do it though.  

Six Nations 2012: Wales & Ireland name squads.

The big news is about two centres; one in each squad respectively - Gavin Henson be reselected and Gordon D'Arcy clinging onto a squad place better than he did a ball at any time in last year's tournament.

In other news, Declan Kidney seems not undestand the concept of Ulster, either as the place or the team apparently.

WALES (35 man training squad for trip to Poland)

Backs: Mike Phillips (Bayonne), Lloyd Williams (Cardiff Blues), Rhys Webb (Ospreys), Rhys Preistland (Scarlets), James Hook (Perpignan), Jamie Roberts (Cardiff Blues), Jonathan Davies (Scarlets), Scott Williams (Scarlets), Gavin Henson (Cardiff Blues), Ashley Beck (Ospreys), George North (Scarlets), Leigh Halfpenny (Cardiff Blues), Alex Cuthbert (Cardiff Blues), Harry Robinson (Cardiff Blues), Liam Williams (Scarlets), Lee Bryne (Clermont Auvergne)

Forwards: Craig Mitchell (Exeter Chiefs), Adam Jones (Ospreys), Ryan Bevington (Ospreys), Gethin Jenkins (Cardiff Blues), Paul James (Ospreys), Rhys Gill (Saracens), Rhodri Jones (Scarlets), Matthew Rees (Scarlets), Huw Bennett (Ospreys), Ken Owens (Scarlets), Bradley Davies (Cardiff Blues), Ian Evans (Ospreys), Lou Reed (Scarlets), Ryan Jones (Ospreys), Dan Lydiate (Newport Gwent Dragons), Sam Warburton (capt, Cardiff Blues), Justin Tipuric (Ospreys), Toby Faletau (Newport Gwent Dragons), Andy Powell (Sale Sharks).

Ireland after the jump....

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It's now official that the RFU know nothing about rugby

Where to begin with the news that the RFU have appointed a City headhunting firm to look for their new coach?

What the RFU is doing here is admitting publicly that they have no-one at the top of the organisation who has any idea about how to find a man to run the national team.  

I know that many large organisations use headhunting firms, but they are not sports governing bodies, and this is once again another depressing example of how the RFU sees no difference between itself and some multinational in Canary Wharf.  This is what continues to cause so many England fans such despair.

The firm will apparently advise a five-man RFU panel which will include Rob Andrew, leading to the surreal situation of a company that knows nothing about rugby advising a man who has been moved away from a role that has anything to do with the senior national team.

I'm off for a little cry if anyone fancies joining?